It can come in so many forms can't it?
This morning I took my baby to Kindergarten Round Up. *sigh* I have mixed emotions about this. Part of me is jumping for joy at FINALLY having all of my 3 boys in school. If you have children— you know what I mean. It is quite a milestone. But it is also very sad. It's the end of something wonderful, which is, being the only major influence in your child's life.
Now, if your child is in day care they may have already experience this. But for the most part, until your child enters school...you are it! You are the one that knows it all, you are the one they turn too, you are the most important person in the world.
School brings external forces into your family. Peers, teachers, awareness, smart mouths, other view points. It kind of reminds me of sharing my writing. It's easy to spend time with only your laptop, pounding away what you are just SURE is something special. It is safe with you, in your thoughts.
When you share it, you are sending it off to school. It will encounter criticism, judgement, and you will lose a small piece of it. Somehow it will not only be yours anymore. Of course, it will always belong to you...but hopefully by encountering outside forces it will now morph, sharpen, become polished.
Hopefully...grow, into something even more amazing.
I am nervous everytime I drive to my writing group. As I hand out copies of my work I feel moronic, naieve, clueless. Seriously. I am in Kindergarten here people. I'm learning the ropes. I'm putting myself out there, opening myself to criticism. And you know what? It is a beautiful thing. It's not safe, or easy, or secure. But it is necessary, for me to grow. That is exciting.
This August I will drive my 3rd son to school. I will walk him to his classroom while holding tightly to his tiny hand. I will be on the verge of tears every step of the way ( i already am just thinking about it.) We have had it good, him and I, these past 5 years. We are close, and inseparable. But I will tell him how awesome Kindergarten is going to be, and how fun it will be to have new friends and his own seat. I will pray that the new people in his life will have his best interest in mind, but I will try my best to be there for him when they are not. I will more than likely be swiping back tears until I get to my car and really let go.
However, after a couple of minutes I will check my mascara, call a friend and meet for coffee...knowing that this new life of mine, and his, is going to be amazing!
4 months ago
