Dirty Little Secrets...are hard to keep

If you read yesterdays post you saw where I mentioned giving my husband back control of our finances.

Now, I'm not going to air my dirt laundry here...but we needed to button up. We've needed to do it for awhile. My husband knew this...but not to the extent he should have. I knew it too, but you see...if you are really only answering to yourself with your spending it's easy to buy a book here or there. Or decide you don't want to cook the kids lunch and head to Chick Fil-A. Those things add up, and faster than you think. When I shared with my husband the whole situation it was a relief. His words were, "Okay, but you can't spend even a penny without us discussing it."

Now, to some of you that would be a "WTF?" moment. Well, maybe at one time it would have been. But right now it is a weight off my shoulders. It is accountability. It is partnership. It's direction.

We have a plan. We are a team.

My husband doesn't realize it, but I secretly do the same thing to him with my writing. I casually voice what's going on to him. I know many of these things he really doesn't care about. But, when I voice them...I'm sharing my plan. It's not just in my head anymore...it's out there. I've said it to the universe. I do the same thing here on this blog. When you put your intentions to the world, you want to keep them. You want to work harder.

That being said, my intention was to not read another book until my two main characters kissed. I haven't read in almost a week. I'm tempted to throw a kiss in and edit it out later...but that would be lame. And weasley. No more.

Often I think my husband isn't listening when I talk about writing and kissing and blah, blah, blah. Well, last night as he was drifting off to sleep I cracked open a nutrition book. It was NON FICTION FOLKS!! That certainly doesn't count right? Well...I did feel a little guilty. About three paragraphs into protein and legumes I felt his weight shift on the bed.

"Have you written a kissing scene? Are you reading?"

"Pshhaaa, it's a diet book!"

Silence.

"Ugh."

Dirt little secrets...it's best to share.

Dreaming Big

There is something magical about hearing that another writer has been signed or gotten an agent excited! I feel it in my gut. It's similar to that feeling you feel when your going down a roller coaster. A little light headedness. A little drop. Even though it's not YOU, you're hearing about. (damn) It's someone...and that means what?

It's possible. It can happen, and it can happen to you.

I love hearing these stories, because more than likely...that person really deserves it. No one else knows how hard writing is than another writer. It's not for the faint of heart. It's hard, grueling, cry inducing work. (Okay, for me it is anyway!) After I hear these stories I imagine my own. I can't help it—you know you do it too!! You have too. The only way to keep going is to maintain the dream.

So here we go. Close your eyes. Dream it. Share it with me. These dreams will motivate us all!

I need another A-Z

That challenge really had me on a roll with blogging. It was good to have something that made me more accountable and actually have something to blog about. Even if it was totally random.

The good thing is that writing has been happening. Yay! I think it's because the weather in Kansas right now plunks right into the setting for my wip. I find that really puts me in the mood. Makes it real.

Do you find it hard to write about a place or season that you aren't currently experiencing? I think I could write about the beach in winter if I had too...but it would certainly be more enjoyable to write about the beach while at the beach. No?

I'm glad nobody protested violently to the fact that I'm not currently writing a YA. But it sure is a whole other ball game writing adult. I think I like it!

Get on with things alredy.

Four more days of school for my kids. FOUR!

I have mixed feelings on this. Part of me is thrilled to let go of the morning routine. (Although I will still get up at 6:45 and make my husband luch, coffee, and a water bottle. It's what I do!) But nothing beats letting my kids sleep in. The other part of me is dreading the summer boredom. Fighting, whining, hitting etc. It becomes skull splitting.

Thank heaven's for pool passes. Seriously. It must seriously be a lifesaver if I am willing to put on a swimming suit in front of every person in my small town.

Either way, I'm ready to get on with it. The last couple weeks of school I'm just done. DONE! Ready to figure out our new normal for the summer. When your kids are still young every summer is a little bit different than the last.

I'm really hoping to get my husband out the door and then spend the quite morning time writing. (Remember that whole finishing before the end of summer thing I threw out there!! yikes!)

Completely unrelated...I've been working out the last couple of weeks. I'm talking lunges and squats. It's hurting. It's working. I'm seeing the difference. It's kind of awesome. We'll see how this plays out!

Happy very rainy Friday! I just want to crawl in bed and read with the thunder as my backdrop.

What does a rainy day make you want to do??

The need to Read

Yesterday I started reading Stephen Kings book titled On Writing.  (thank you Dawn!)

Wow. I fell in love with him, which is funny because in my life he has represented fear! I remember being about 9 and seeing Cujo on televsion one evening with my mother. I have been scarred ever since. (I also loved it!)

In 6th grade all the boys I knew were reading The Stand. Their arms would bow out beside them grasping their Trapper Keeper, science book, and the hugest book I'd ever seen. I couldn't fathom any 6th grader (except me, ha!) reading a book that big. When my brain made the connection that the author of that massive book was the same mastermind behind Cujo I began having graphic fantasies about what those boys were reading. I remember watching one boy in particular one day. he had finished his assignment and pulled open his monster novel. I watched him closely — just sure that he must be terrified. Sure that he must be reading of blood and gore and very scary things. I was waiting for him to shut the book in terror....unable to continue. It didn't happen.

Want to know a secret? To this day I have no clue what The Stand is about. I'm assuming it's a good book.

So, back to me reading On Writing. Last night I read one part that really resonated with me. He talked about the importance of reading. He stressed his theory that NO ONE can be a good writer without reading. I already agreed with this totally. It just makes sense to me. But I've often questioned my desires to write throughout my life. I even did it through the beginning of this book. Stephen talked about writing all through his adolescent years, his early adult years. Submitting, writing, submitting, rejection....blah, blah, blah.

We've heard this story before. Famous writer wanted it all their life...so they DESERVED to be published. They were better. They wanted it MORE. (That's what we're thinking right???)

Did he want it more than I do? Well, in many ways yes.

I learned to read when I was three. Not because I was a child prodigy, but because my mother devoted herself to it. I remember living and breathing flash cards and repition. I loved it. I was good. I slept with my books, I organized my books. I LOVED my books. Reading was my life. I wanted to write early. I knew that I would be a writer. It was that simple.

I was always thinking of story ideas. I was always writing down little stories and creating characters. All the while I read like an addict. 

My desire to write had a long draught. It didn't dry up completely...but it was sparse. In those years I went to high school, worked, met my husband, had babies, stayed up all night with said babies, stressed, made snacks. Does this story sound familiar? To some of you it will. Here is the deal, during those years....I wasn't really reading. Sure I read the basics for school...The Scarlet Letter, Red Badge of Courage, Killing Mr. Griffin. While my boys were young I read the Harry Potter books as they came out. I loved them too...but I wasn't really reading for pleasure on my own all the time.  Consistently.

About three years ago, when my youngest son was three, I started reading again. Like a maniac. It was a problem, I was taking in books like I was starving. I had been. My husband was all, "What is with all this reading, the laundry hasn't been done in 2 weeks!" I wanted to tell him, "This is who I've always been!!" I'd just been dormant. (As young mothers often are.) The writing desire came back almost immediately.

IMMEDIATELY.

Funny enough, when I finally told my husband after a while that I was kinda sorta writing something. He wasn't at all surprised. It seems I had been a reader all along...I just didn't allow myself the indulgence. Life had gotten in the way.

Last night I read this in Stephen Kings On Writing.

Can I be blunt on this subject? If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.

Thoughts? I'll tell you what I thought. Stephen King was giving me permission to stop beating myself up over the fact that for years writing wasn't a priority. It didn't mean that I wanted it less, or was any less capable of being a writer. I just wasn't in the right frame of mind. I wasn't reading.

Why, as creative minds, are we always judging ourselves against others? It is a disease! More on that tomorrow.

A-Z Challange ORGANIZATION

Not one of my strong points.

Actually, and my husband says this all the time, I am the QUEEN of planning, strategizing, and getting organized. It's the follow thru that gets me every stinkin time.

I come up with the most amazing solutions. Why can't I follow them? I've made myself so many "schedules" over the years.

I will say though, that I still do love a few things. I may fall off the wagon...often, but I come back to these and I think they are worth sharing.

1. Motivated Moms I love these things and I buy the new one every year. This is a chore organizational system that you purchase and then print out weekly, or daily depending on your preference. The idea is that you just do what is on the list everyday and it will cover all areas of your home keeping it perfect and clean! Each day is not hard, and there are certain things you do everyday. This is great for people like me that like to see a list and CHECK IT OFF! I also like the idea that someone has already figured out how often things need to be done and they just tell me when to do it. When I'm on a roll with this system, I love it!!! They even have one that comes with a daily bible readings if that would appeal to you. Best part? A year is cheap, $8!!

2. Steno Pads- So wonderful. I make long lists. Especially during my busy photo season. Each shoot involves a minimum of 12 different "things" I have to do. Even more if they order an album or something that needs designing. I have to keep track of these things for each client and for me the best way is a good old fashioned running list. I put everything on here, even if it's just "sign note for school". If it passes my brain, i put it down!! I am finding that I am a very forgetful person. I don't know if I'm stretched too thin, or I'm getting old but something is up. I've tried electronic, computer based organization...but no. I physically need to write it down and CROSS IT OFF. There is something very gratifying about looking at a list full of crossed off things.

Also, I don't start a new list everyday. I may write something on the list that doesn't have to be done for 2 weeks but every day I go back and look at everything that is still not crossed off and see if I can do that. I might still put it off...but I'm reminded everyday.

3. Hannah Kelley Downloads 
I found this site a couple of months ago and liked it right away. She is funny and helpful. The one thing I liked the most was her downloads! (I love me a good download!) I use the weekly food plan, the account ledger, and the kids performance log. Check them all out.

One thing I've learned though...this is a work in progress. I'm never going to be cured of my organization problems. I will always be starting over and re-cleaning a house that has been "let go". I have to accept that, which is hard for me. I want perfection from myself and I have to let it go or my frustration with myself sabotages me. anyone else relate?? I hope someone finds something here helpful!! :)

A-Z Challange ~ Inactivity...and Incentive

I need to start working out. PERIOD.
There is no way around it, it must be done, I must accept it. And do it.

A-ha! There is the tricky part...doing it. I'm great at thinking about things, not so great at doing them.

So, today I'm starting to work out. Even if it's just walking my dog, I've got to do something everyday. Swimsuit season is coming and this is my year!

I need an incentive...any ideas??  I mean, obviously the real incentive is the results. But I need something more. What do you use to reward yourself...and don't say cookies!! That won't work!

*EDITED TO ADD* I walked my dog for 30 minutes today AND wrote 700 words. I'd say that makes for a very good day indeed!

A-Z Challange~ CONSISTENCY

Consistency.

This words is a biggie for me. The fact that the last blog entry date below is March 24th should be your first clue. Consistency has always been a problem for me. Is there an explanation? Is it nature? Nurture? Laziness? ADD? 3 Children?

The one thing I am consistent about, is my inconsistency. So there, I can get SOMETHING right!

That's not fair to me. I get a lot of things right, but I'm pretty darn hard on myself. I expect a lot. Therefore, I am often disappointed. When I am disappointed I feel frustrated and defeated, and then....I fall off the wagon.

It is ironic that I chose this word this morning, because it is Monday. Ah Monday, the birth of so many good intentions. It is also a (relatively) new month. April. To me April is freshness. Spring, growth, blooming, newness.

Therefore I am deciding now that consistency is my goal for this month. Consistency in my writing, my blogging and my personal life. I'll let you know how this goes...it should be interesting!